"Let go, let go because there is beauty in the breakdown."

Well it's been about 3 weeks since I left Alaska and re-entered the "Real World." I wanted to post some last thoughts and reflections on this summer.

When I decided to go I wanted an escape, a total departure from what had become my norm. I wanted to heal, to explore and to laugh again. Alaska was for me what has been for thousands before me, a challenge. What you discover when you get there is that it's never really the land or the elements that challenge you, it's you.

I went to Alaska to find something, maybe it was myself, or maybe it was hope. Last year was by far the most painful and stressful I've had in a very long time. I fought to save something that I thought I couldn't live without. I have lost that thing twice now and I'm still alive; hell I'm even happy. Last year my abilities were called into question and doubted, in turn I doubted myself. Alaska was God's answer to my doubts. I showed myself what I knew I could do all along. I can go, on my own, to a new place and make friends, have adventures and be whole. Eleanor Roosevelt said, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." I allowed someone to make me feel less than worthwhile. Alaska was my choice to remind me of my own worth.

People always talk about a discovery of themselves, as though they suddenly stumbled upon someone they'd never known before. My journey was not one of discovery but of confirmation. My summer in Alaska confirmed for me things I had come to doubt in the past year. The biggest blessing from this summer was I stopped feeling like I had to have a plan. I spent the past year frantic over what was going to come next and feeling desperate that I needed a plan. In Alaska God granted me an amazing peace and I no longer felt desperate over the future. I instead spent my summer saying "yeah I don't know what I'm doing next." It's very freeing to go where the wind takes you and enjoy the ride.

So my permafrost summer has come to an end and I walk away a more complete version of what God made me. I take with me lessons in love, life and how to make great meals with ramen.
Blessings in disguise are still blessings despite the disguise they wear.
Trust your gut, if it's been right before it'll be right again.
The old homage of the sun rising again is true, cliche but true.
What you think you want may not be what you need.
Truth hurts but truthful cuts heal faster than cuts from lies.
I'll always be ok because I'm loved and I have faith.

I miss Alaska, I miss waking up to the Mountains outside my door. I dearly miss my friends that made me laugh and ventured into the great unknown with me. The transition back to California has been rough, I went from kayaking in Seward in 50 degree weather to Los Angeles in 90 degrees. The crowds, traffic, BART and weather are all hard to get used to again. I am back at my old job, working for the retinal doctor. The girl that I trained to replace me is on maternity leave so I am filling for about a month. I look forward to my weekends in Ukiah where Mom and Dad are living now, it's a small town without crowds or traffic. It's easier to adjust to life there than it is to life back in the Bay Area.

Within a few days of returning I had a job offer from Beaver Creek Resort in Colorado which I took. I'll be working for the transportation department as a shuttle driver. There is a large contingent of folks I know from Denali that work there so that's nice. More than anything I am excited to ski as much as humanly possible and ice climb! When I'm not doing that I'll be busy applying to Graduate school. Earlier this year I realized that Architecture is what I want to pursue. I'm really interested in Sustainable Design and now is a great time to be involved in that movement. I'm applying all over the west coast, from Berkeley to Vancouver. I spend my hour long train commutes to work studing for the GRE which I'll take in October. I leave for Colorado the beginning of November and will be there until the end of March.

Finally I have to say Thank You to all of you who followed me on my adventure this summer. I loved reading your comments and I hoped you enjoyed reading this blog. Please make sure you check out the last sets of photos I posted on my Flickr account and feel free to leave comments there as well. If there is anything you love I am selling prints in custom sizes so just pop me a quick email!

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