What do you want out of life?

Well today brought an end to Dad's visit in Denali.  We had a great time together.  He arrived on the train on Thursday and as soon as I saw him I was in tears.  I can't help it, I'm Daddy's Little Girl through and through.  We had a great 4 days together, relaxing talking, getting out into the park and fishing.  It was raining the first full day he was here but then by God's grace Saturday cleared up and we had a GORGEOUS day in the park.  We saw lots of animals and hiked around the Eielson Visitor center in 4 inches of snow!  Dad got to see bears, moose, caribou, dall sheep, foxes and even 2 wolves!  Sunday the rain was back but it was perfect for fly fishing.  We both imporved our techniques and got a couple of strikes.  I think Dad enjoyed smoking his cigar with a fly rod in his hand more than anything else.  We also went to the dinner theater show here which was a lot of fun.  Earlier today we did the dog sled demo in the park and checked out the visitor's center before he got on the bus at 2:30 to head back to Anchorage.

It was so sad to see him leave.  I can't even tell you how nice it was to have a familiar face around.  We spent a lot of time discussing the next upcoming event, a visit from my ex-boyfriend.  He arrives on Wednesday and to be honest I'm completely conflicted about how I feel about it.  I know we'll have fun, cause we always do, I just don't know if I will get what I need out of it.  I've spent this summer trying to sort through the happenings and feelings of this past year.  Now I'm left knowing what I want and need but not sure I can get it from this relationship. 

The one thing I have wanted more than anything else in my life has been to fall in love with my best friend and find my partner in life.  I have been blessed to have been raised in a house with two people who still can't keep their hands off of each other.  They've showed both my brother and I how to be partners in life.  I guess I've been a late bloomer compared to most and have ended the most significant relationship of my life.  I don't know what the future holds for me, I wish I had some glimpse of what God wants for me, it would make this part so much easier.  I have faith that all will be for the best I just want to be done with the painful part.  I have learned how to laugh again and not take life too seriously this summer.  This past year has by far been the most painful and stressful I've endured since we moved to Minnesota in 6th grade. My sense of self and sense of humor are still intact and know they will remain so.

Life always throws you curve balls and never turns out how you planned it which is probably why you shouldn't plan your life to throughly.